So it's been a REALLY long time since I've written a journal entry, and so much has happened in the last 2 1/2 years that I can even begin to state all thats played out. But I do want to write about the most recent and most important thing in my life right now... Her name is Chanel... and she somehow captured the uncaptureable... my heart.

For so long even the word DATE made me cringe and shiver... I couldn't look at girls still. My heart was still so in love with Shara...

But it was something I couldn't resist when I saw her. Every step I took was so hard but I wanted so badly to take them... I knew she was something beyond special the moment I met her... And we laugh when we talk about our first meeting really, because so much was said, yet neither of us ever said a word... I fell in love and couldn't stop myself no matter how hard I tried... she took my heart and I couldn't do anything about it...

It amazing to look back on what we've come through to get to where we are... I pray everyday that Heavenly Father will let this one work out... I'm still terrified of losing her though, I think its something I'm never going to get over though after the history of my past... In a way I don't ever want it to change... it's a feeling that reminds everyday of just how much I do love her... how much I need her now... A feeling to remind she is... my life... the main focus of everything... I hate to admit it but my world revolves around her now... but I like that fact... I'm so thankful that through everything she continues to love me... the things she does and doesn't even know it... well I have to go right now but I'll be back soon, I promise.